No, I am not FREAKIN' pregnant. Field Day today at Safah's school. My job, face painting. And one mom, who knows that I have had my Deenie-boy, had a complete mental fart and said as she offered me a seat. "Yes, pregnant mommas should get a seat."
I, of course, quickly and with a laugh corrected her. "Ohhh nooooo, he is at home with his Papa." Laugh, laugh. It took a second for her to process, and then she said..."oh no, I meant new mommies have to sit down." hmmm. Either way, you are saying I am a fat ass and you cannot even subconsciously tell the difference. Nice, thanks. And granted, this is not a small woman. More like Oprah circa 1989. Her workout routine is a self-admitted---eat what I want, I don't like exercise---plan.
What makes it worse, the Art teacher, who was sitting there during the whole exchange, must have dozed off at some point, because ten minutes later in a lull between kids, she asked with complete sincerity, "So when are you due?" Mind you I have been sucking my gut in for the last 10 minutes. Now I am thinking, it's 90 degrees outside, need to breath, it's freakin' hot, whatever, let it all hang where it will.
And this is on the heels of getting pictures from Safah's teacher from her classroom birthday partythis past October, 2 weeks before Deen was born. OH MY DOG I was huge. Even seated, my belly was almost out to my knees. What the heck was that about?
After seeing that I have been thinking, wow, I am doing pretty good. Looking much smaller than seven months ago, right?
NOPE...I have just picked up pictures from our trip to the cottage this Memorial Day weekend, and who was the beached whale? That would be me, trying to eat small children it seems, with a smile on my face!
From these fantastic days and evidence, I have learned a few things:
1. OH MY GOSH I WAS HUGE...WHY DIDN'T I SIT MY A** DOWN...My hips and pelvis are HATING me!!! If they could move to another address (body) they would! No notice, no last months rent.
2. People have GOT to STOP looking at celebrities as a clue to how fast they should slim down...it isn't gonna work like that.
3. OH MY GOSH I WAS FREAKIN' SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICKEXPEIALIDOSHIOUSLY HUGE!!!!!! Say it with me people. Let's make it a song that Akon can sing with Gwen and the Harajuku girls.
4. I don't think I will ever see the body I had before Deenie-poo. I think I can kiss it goodbye.
5. SEE 1 and 3, SAY IT OUT LOUD OUT YOUR CAR WINDOW to passing pedestrians, try to make them jump in fright as you say it. They probably will anyway!
6. To say this mantra....It takes time, it takes time, it take time, and my sanity, and my last nerve, and my raisenettes, and my Coke, and all my free time!!!
Arghhh!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
okay, i suppose it's standard for good friends to say this, but... come on... it ain't that bad!! so you wouldn't fit into that flamenco dress you wore to that CHISPA dance back in your junior year or whatever. girl, with what you went through to get those two kids outta your body... i would just worry about staying healthy and pain-free inshallah! the rest will follow as it should. (although i would recommend giving up the coke! it's not that hard, i promise...)
Give up coke -- insanity! Ayesha's right..(it's just that coke is my vice).
Seriously though...every time I see you, you are getting smaller and smaller. When we went to the concert a few weeks ago, you looked DRASTICALLY different from a few weeks before that..and I'm sure that, when I see you this weekend, it will be the same. You definitely do not look pregnant...as you said, some people just have a tendency to "forget" that you already had the baby.
That being said, I know how depressing it can be. I spent the 4 years between Shaan's birth and this latest pregnancy telling people that I was not pregnant. Anytime I wore clothes that didn't make me look as good....or had a "visitor" that caused me to gain 5 lbs of water weight...sure enough...some auntie would ask me "Oh..are you expecting again?"
What killed me is that ...they're not thin!!! Did someone make them feel fat when they were younger and now they're just passing the torch? I swear -- i vow not to ask anyone if they are pregnant...ever....until I hear it from them first. I know that, in some cases, they just get a "feeling" but cmon -- all it ever does is make the other person feel fat.
Or how about the alternative...what if you are pregnant? Do people really think that, if you haven't announced your pregnancy, that you want people to try to guess?
Ok...so enough of my rant...with all this writing, I should create a true blog of my own.
My point: you look great! Whatever you are doing is working...and you are the last person who is going to realize it...just keep it going..through the rude or ignorant comments..through the plateaus...through the times when you give in and splurge on ice cream...it's working...you'll get there
Post a Comment